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My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging & Polyamory, by Cooper S Beckett
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Beginning on a first date with a couple of swingers, followed by working through social anxiety and shyness, recognizing the importance of touch in life, evolving feelings about love and expectations, having threesomes, orgies, and prostate orgasms, going through a divorce, and leveling up in life and sexuality.
For six years, Cooper S. Beckett has written for Life on the Swingset, a website born out of the feeling that he’d learned enough in his whole year of swinging to tell other people how to live their non-monogamous lives. His hubris can be seen from space. From that writing he has collected personal essays, stories, erotica, and prescriptive “how-tos” into this memoir of his life on The Swingset.
He may be biased when it comes to swinging, polyamory, and other forms of ethical non-monogamy (in fact, he most certainly is) but he doesn’t sugar-coat it. He speaks honestly and earnestly about a unique way to live life, one that allows for sexual and loving growth and experimentation, a strong sense of community, and the ability to do what we all crave, whether we know it or not: Be honest with ourselves and others about what we want sexually. And out of life.
This second edition includes an excerpt from Beckett's novel A Life Less Monogamous.
"Cooper Beckett writes about non-monogamy, sex, love, and friendship with such honesty, wit, and charm, it's hard not to like this guy. He challenges the hard line between swinging and polyamory, tackles taboos with grace, and will make you rethink what you believe about relationships.”
- Tristan Taormino
"Lots of people talk about open relationships and non-monogamy, but few do it with as much clarity, compassion, humor, and intelligence as Cooper Beckett. He has lots of insight and wisdom to share, whether you’re just dipping your toes or you’ve been swimming in the deep end of open relationships. You won’t be disappointed."
- Charlie Glickman
"Kudos to Cooper Beckett for his delightful collection of essays regarding his exploration of non-traditional ways of being in relationship. He speaks from personal experience and shares all of it, the good and bad, the silly and transcendent, the harsh bumps and effortless glides, the highs and lows, the insights and cluelessness, the benefits and drawbacks, of choosing to love consciously in a culture that makes it hard to do so. Essential reading for anyone interested in all that is implied by the 'non' in 'non-monogamy.'"
- Nina Hartley
"Cooper Beckett goes old school gonzo in My Life On the Swingset as your tour guide of non-monogamy in this delightful and playful romp of a read. Fear & Loathing meets On The Road as Cooper gives you first hand debaucherous details about his trials and tribulations and ecstatic moments of exploration in the swinger lifestyle. Defining NRE, prostate orgasm, sexy safe sex, and basic etiquette while telling a charming story is not easy but this recovering Catholic boy gives it his gusto and the book is helpful as well as entertaining."
- Jackie Strano
"As I read My Life on the Swingset, I saw my own poly/non-monogamous relationship reflected and grew excited to share the book with my partner. I also thought 'Damn, I'd really like to meet this Cooper Beckett fella.' (And it's not often that I'm seduced by an author.) Expressive, honest, and often hilariously geeky, this collection of personal anecdotes on ethical non-monogamy is as enjoyable for the most jaded poly 'sexpert' as it is educational to the new swinger. My Life on the Swingset is the dirty cousin to The Ethical Slut. I can get with this."
- Jiz Lee
- Sales Rank: #1063847 in Books
- Published on: 2015-01-12
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .91" w x 6.00" l, 1.10 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 364 pages
About the Author
The man in charge of Life on the Swingset, a website and podcast by and for the sexually open. In addition to writing for the site and hosting the weekly podcast about sexuality and non-monogamy, he travels the globe throwing play parties and teaching classes to help people open themselves up and color outside the lines of their sexuality.
Most helpful customer reviews
13 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
It's the dirty cousin to The Ethical Slut.
By J Lee
As I read My Life on the Swing Set, I saw my own poly/non-monogamous relationship reflected and grew excited to share the book with my partner. I also thought 'Damn, I'd really like to meet this Cooper Beckett fella.' (And it's not often that I'm seduced by an author.) Expressive, honest, and often hilariously geeky, this collection of personal anecdotes on ethical non-monogamy is as enjoyable for the most jaded poly 'sexpert' as it is educational to the new swinger. My Life on the Swing Set is the dirty cousin to The Ethical Slut. I can get with this.
(Amazon wont let me put my public name as "Jiz" Lee in this review... haha. Also thanks Coop, for helping me finally pop my Amazon review cherry.)
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Fun, Thoughtful, Honest and Straightforward Writing from a Bisexual Male Swinger
By Rachel Kramer Bussel
If you've ever wondered what swinging was all about, look no further than My Life on the Swingset. No, it's not a how to guide, though no matter what your background, you're likely to learn something. Instead, it's a collection of vivid, honest, humorous and approachable essays on everything from Beckett's first date as a swinging couple to jealousy, orgies, prostate orgasms and other topics. It's refreshing to see a male memoir about sex that's wiling to reveal lust, nervousness, geekiness and passion.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Shows both thrills and pitfalls: honest portrayal of a lifestyle.
By Liamaria156
As a marriage and family therapist who works extensively with non-monogamous clients, and as someone who has explored non-monogamous relationships in the past, I had no idea what to expect from My Life on the Swingset: Adventures in Swinging and Polyamory, by Cooper S. Beckett, (also in audiobook) except that it is a memoir of swinging and polyamory, written by a man. I was bracing to cringe at this book, lest it be some alpha douche bragging about his sexual prowess in a way that makes average people feel bad.
This was opposite, thankfully. Beckett is non-monogamy’s everyman: the voice is neither the twinkle-eyed auntie like Ethical Slut, the scholarly one of Opening Up, the visionary nerd-brilliance of Sex at Dawn or the sexy confidence of Open. Beckett’s voice is geekier, ramblier, bloggier, He is neurotic and overthinks. He has anxiety spirals. He battles with depression.
And he totally won me over.
What I love about this book is the honesty. A collection of blog posts spanning from the beginning of his journey in 2008 to 2014, “My Life On the Swingset” chronicles the excitement and the anxieties he felt as a swinger. He writes candidly about the adventures he and his wife had as young, married swingers and again about the end of the same marriage.
As a marriage therapist that has worked with many non-monogamous people, I appreciate this. Swinger and poly marriages do end (just like monogamous ones.) In fact, he and his ex got into swinging at a crisis point in their marriage when they both realized they wanted more from life, sex, and marriage. Rather than see non-monogamy as a desperate attempt to save a relationship that ended up doomed anyway, Beckett sees their swinging as giving it another four years of life.
The shrink in me wanted to hear more about the details of the breakup of his marriage and what he has learned in configuring his current relationships. I was also getting sort of worried reading about some of his anxiety spirals and wondering about depression when I got to the point where he brought it up himself.
There was a passage about feeling overwhelmed and needing to cease extracurricular activity while he caught his breath that I wanted to know more about from a mental health perspective. I understand that I don’t get to know all of this, but it’s something I would like my clients and readers to consider as applied to their own journeys. The author describes not only the jealousy of seeing his partner’s attention elsewhere, but also the stronger-for-him envy of seeing his partner get attention while he received none.
As the story progresses, you watch him grow and become more confident and sure of himself. Beckett moves from identifying as a swinger to exploring polyamory to end up with an identity somewhere in between and takes the reader along as he transitions from sex dates to romantic dates.
The other thing I liked was the diversity of alternative sexualities, and the attempt to tie together members of a diverse spectrum. Before this book I had not heard of the acronym SOP (Swinger-Open-Poly) and I like the attempt to draw parallels between these three relationship styles that mix and match and bleed into each other. He calls out ageism in the swinger community, explores BDSM and kink, experiences pegging, comes out as a bisexual ( within a climate of homophobia towards bi men in the swinger community) and rebels against pubic hair norms. He did not have to do any of that and would have sold just as many books.
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